Advent Children Complete?
by Meeve
Summary: This is a bit of a spoof of Advent Children centered mainly around Cloud. Kind of a 'what Cloud is thinking' sort of thing, though I've changed some dialogue and actions. Just generally pokes fun at some confusing and illogical events of Final Fantasy.
1. Prologue

**Yay! Okay, so i finally fixed up some issues that were pointed out. Hopefully i will have a new chapter up soon, yay for more revision! -Sigh- maybe i really should read the dictionary. Yeah, i even spelled the wrong desert....and now i'm stuck with the image of Cloud riding around on cake. Oh and i know i didn't fix everything that was pointed out, that's because some things were suppose to be grammatically incorrect....weird i know.**

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Stepping outside the door, Cloud noticed that the day was like every other. That being gray and cold, like his soul. He walked over to Fenrir, putting his deliveries in his secret storage compartment and quickly mounting the bike.

Though he loved to ride his bike, it sometimes caused his mind to wander and that wasn't really a good thing when it came to Cloud. He drove through the desert, thinking all the while of his horrible past and his inability to save anyone he cared about.

He sighed when he realized that he was only twenty-three and in his short life he had already been picked on by his entire town, rejected his dream, lost his entire village to the man he admired, lost his mother, he had been experimented on, lost his best friend, lost his memories, lost the girl he loved, and had now contracted a horrible disease that had no cure and killed anyone who had it slowly and painfully.

He smashed his head against his handle bars in angst, causing the bike to swerve a bit. He managed to take control once again and continued on his way.

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After he finished his last delivery he stopped for a second to check his phone. He had apparently gotten some messages, and the stupid thing would not stop beeping until said messages where heard.

Flipping open the phone in annoyance, he quickly listened to the first message. It was from Tifa.

"Cloud you ass, pick up the damn phone for once! Anywho, Reno called and he wants you to go see him. Stop giving out this number! " - BEEP, "you have no new messages."

Cloud blinked at his phone a couple of times. He considered throwing it away but decided against it. He quickly put it in his pocket. Fastening his goggles over his eyes, he got ready to go. Suddenly his arm felt like it was being stabbed with a very large and very sharp needle. Cringing he gave an annoyed sigh, as angsty thoughts filled his mind. He tried to ignore his arm and started to head off to find Reno.

Unfortunately he was interrupted by a surprise attack. Monsters seemed to form out of no where as two men on motorbikes quickly began gaining on him. One looked like a women; the other had his hair styled similar to a troll doll.

He blinked in confusion as he quickly pulled out his sword, fighting off the viscous animals. As he sliced at the creatures, the troll hair guy came swerving up next to him.

"Where's mother?" he asked, swinging his arm at Cloud. Because Cloud would definitely be able to answer him if he was hit and sent flying off his bike at such an amazing speed. Luckily Cloud dodged, swerving his bike to get away.

Bullets began ricocheting off Fenrir as the feminine man pulled up beside Cloud.

"We know you hid her brother," he said, firing repeatedly at him.

Cloud dodged and swerved with all his confused might, though his arm was still acting up and it cost him his sword as he watched it fly off in a random direction. Suddenly the feminine one somehow did a front wheelie and fired a direct shot at Clouds head, point blank range….and missed?

No, Cloud had luckily remembered his bulletproof goggles that day, though now they were lost as they went flying off his face from the force of the impact. A cut stung just above his eye, but he ignored it.

He gripped his arm, as pain flared up it. He was now driving with one hand. Swerving some more, he suddenly became surrounded by monsters. Looking around for some sort of opening he found none and wondered for a second if he was going to die like this, completely and utterly confused. But as quickly as they had come, they were gone. The two odd looking men smirked and drove off.

Cloud brought his bike to a stop, skidding across the ground. He looked back and saw yet another man standing on the cliff giving him odd looks. Cloud couldn't tell if he was trying to be maniacal or seductive as one thought floated through his thoroughly confused mind:

'What the f---?'

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**WOO!! okay, so that chapters done. I really hope the unfortunate fool who reads this enjoys it. I know i'm not the greatest at spelling or grammar, so if you catch anything, please tell me. I will change it as quickly as possible. This story may or may not be continued. If i get even one review then i'll continue it, well most likely. Though i may still continue even if i don't get a review for my own enjoyment.**

**Heh, i'm trying to follow the advent children movie as closely as possible by watching the movie as i go. Mind you, it's the complete addition, which i absolutely love because it has more of my favourite ff character......not too much more though XD. I love Zack ;-; it's really not fair that he died, and so close to Midgar too! WAHHHH!! Also, i do not know if i got Cloud's age right, i took a wild stab at what it might be, but if anyone knows for sure that it's wrong, you can correct me and i will change it. **

**Thanks for reading :)Meeve(:  
**


	2. Shut UP!

Cloud's eye twitched as he heard the incessant beeping of his phone once again. It had been going off for an hour now and would not stop. He sighed, finally giving into the nefarious phone beings. He reached into his pocket as he swerved through the wilderness on Fenrir. Pulling out his phone, he punched in the code for his answering machine and instantly regretted it as Barrets screaming voice reached his ears.

"WE FOUND $^%$& OIL CLOUD!! %^ AND LOTS OF ^%&^& OIL!!! MARLENE IS $^^^ AWESOME!!!!! SEEEEEEE YOUUUUUU SSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON SPIKEH!!!"

Cloud almost lost control of his bike as he instinctively pressed his hands to his ears to block out the horrible yelling. Unfortunately his phone was in his hand, thus intensifying the sound instead of the opposite.

He instantly retracted his arm and stared at his phone with a glare he reserved mainly for Sephiroth. Grumbling under his breath he deleted the message, checking for any others. He had received another one from Tifa.

"Cloud! Reno will not stop calling! The idiot wants you to get your ass over to Healen lodge! God I'm so stressed…"

Cloud had to resist the urge to throw the phone into the valley by the road as he deleted the message from Tifa as well. Sighing, he reluctantly put his phone back into his pocket and drove up to the ridiculously shaped lodge before him.

He stomped moodily up the ramp, reaching for his sword. He was prepared to cut down anyone and everyone as he threw open the door. To his dismay his attack was blocked.

Reno took a step back before running at Cloud, a mighty battle cry escaping his mouth. Cloud sighed and stepped to the right.

Reno flopped out the door. He caught himself before he fell over and looked around in confusion for a second before realizing his mistake and running back at the door, only to have it shoved in his face.

"Okay so you're good."

Reno tried opening the door but Cloud shoved it in his face again and locked it, secretly enjoying his small victory.

Cloud took a few steps into the lodge, surveying the room he was in as Rude entered. He pulled on a glove as though inspiring music should be playing, and stopped in a dramatic stance. A shout from outside ruined the moment. Apparently Reno had X-Ray vision.

"Yeah Rude, looking sharp!"

Cloud mentally smacked his head against a wall in annoyance. Even shoving a door in the mans face twice and locking him out side could not hinder his loud, obnoxiously huge mouth.

Rude went for his cattle prod. Not wanting to deal with any more crap, Cloud lifted his sword with a menacing look and Rude backed off.

"Good, you fight like the SOLDIER you once claimed to be."

Cloud looked over at the talking door in wonder. Though he knew that he had gone over the bend, he didn't think it had gotten this serious yet. Just then a man covered in a blanket rolled through said door on his wheelchair. He mentally sighed in relief as he sheathed his sword, realizing it must have been this man that had been speaking. The man turned his wheelchair to face Cloud.

"You haven't lost you're touch."

Suddenly an image of an exploding Shinra building flashed across his mind.

"Rufus Shinra? Do I feel sorry for you." And you know when Cloud feels sorry for someone, it's pretty bad.

Rude turned his head in an exasperated manner. Rufus's head twitched slightly and Rude cleared his throat.

"The day of the explosion-"

"What do you want from me?"

"I managed to get out-"

"Who were the guys that attacked me?"

"Before it colla-"

"I'm leaving!"

Rufus brought a hand up to his face, brushing the blanket slightly to the side.

"We need your assistance"

Cloud wanted to slice the man's head off.

"Not interested."

"I acknowledge that Shinra owes the planet a lot."

Cloud glared menacingly at Rufus, _'No shit Sherlock! Screw the planet, you owe me a lot you arrogant douche bag!'_

"It goes without saying that my company and I are the ones that put the world in the sorry state it's in, therefore, it's our responsibility to set things right."

"I'm still out here."

Cloud's head twitched towards the door, he wanted nothing more than to shove his sword into it and silence the idiot that was most likely pressed up against it in vein to hear what was going on.

Rufus droned on and on as Cloud plotted ways to kill Reno.

"-Geostigma."

At that Cloud looked at Rufus, wondering how they had got on the topic of the disease before noticing Rufus's hand twitch. It was covered in a bruise-like mark.

'_HA! Suck on that, now your stupidity has come back to bite you in the ass!…….and me…..damn it!'_

Rufus continued on with his stupid speech, as Cloud moped around in his brain over his short lived victory.

"-the arrival of Sephiroth."

Cloud's head snapped up.

"Sephiroth is dead"

He replied quickly, not wanting to ponder the possibility of the maniac's return.

"Yes, but has his mind died?"

'_YES! That's what freaking happens when your brain shuts down you idiot!'_

"What if he somehow dissolved into the life stream? Coursing through the planet un-defused?"

Cloud looked at Rufus as though he had two heads, a foot for a nose, maybe a few tentacles and a chocobo living under that blanket with him.

"I know, it is merely my speculation. But, it is possible, isn't it?"

'_No, no, no, no and NO!' _By this point Cloud had decided to stop listening again, he didn't want to hear anymore of Rufus's crazy conspiracy theories. To try and distract himself he started picturing Reno in a dress, for some reason it was the first thing that came to his mind.

His eyebrows furrowed at the disturbing image as he noticed an absence of noise. Cloud hoped he wasn't expected to answer, but luckily, his early expression seemed to answer for him. Apparently Rufus had taken his face to mean he was listening and was not happy with the news.

"Relax, we didn't find anything."

Cloud blinked a bit, but decided to let Rufus continue his rant.

"However, not all went as planned. We were....interrupted."

Cue random scene featuring an injured Tseng and a panicked Elena, the longest scene these two will ever get.

"Kadaj and his gang."

"Kadaj?"

"They'll be after you as well. If they haven't already found you."

Cloud mentally growled, he did want any part of this.

"Leave me out of this."

"How? Your ties to Sephiroth run as deep as ours do, Cloud. If Kadaj's purpose is to do what's necessary to prepare for the moment, we stand in the way as his greatest threat."

Cloud Raised his head, trying to figure out what Rufus was telling him.

"Moment?"

Rufus expression darkened. When I say it darkened, I mean his head twitched a bit.

"Sephiroth….reborn."

'_WHY!? No! Sephiroth will NOT be reborn! Why won't you shut up! God you like to hear yourself talk, don't you?'_ Cloud was once again mentally bashing his head against a wall. "Are you done talking?"

Rufus ignored this comment, and continued on with his seemingly endless banter.

"lets get to the issue at hand. In order to combat Kadaj, we need someone with your expertise. Will you join us, former SOLDIER Cloud?"

Cloud scoffed, "In my head." He turned to walk out the door. Unlocking it, he suddenly remember troll-doll guy's words. "What's this stuff about mother?"

"Why? Did Kadaj mention something?"

"Rufus, if you're hiding something." _'And you most likely are, you freaking Mythomaniac!" _

"I'd never keep a secret, not from a comrade."

Cloud let out a quiet snort, wondering if Rufus knew how stupid that sounded.

"You must want to learn all you can about the stigma, naturally for the sake of those orphans you live with. Surely you long to see the smiles return to their faces."

Cloud debated in his head whether this was true or not.

"All we want in the end, is to rebuild our world." Rufus raised a hand in a welcoming gesture, which was most likely causing pain to his dignity. Cloud took a moment to enjoy the feeling of having Rufus asking him for help.

Though he really didn't want to help the guy, he wondered if maybe, just maybe, Rufus was trying to make up for what he'd done. _'Heh, fat chance at that!'_

"But I-"

Suddenly Reno's voice cut in, once again ruining the moment.

"Come on Cloud, think about it. Together we could rebuild Shinra!"

Cloud winced as the image of Reno in a dress fluttered across his mind again. _'That was a mistake, I'll never get that image out of my head now! Damn it! What does the world have against me!?'_

"Not interested."

With that, He stomped moodily out the door, slamming it behind him. Reno just watched him with an expression of 'what did I say wrong?'

"Reno!"

"Reno."

Reno in a dress...._'God damn it!'_

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**XD okay, so this one ended on a weird note. This chapter was sooooooo annoying to write! My god, Rufus shinra just does not shut up!!!!! I usually just zone out during this part, but nooooooo i just had to write a fanfic involving it. -Goes to bash Rufus's head against a wall- stupid idjit. Well i hope it's good, yes i know a lot of it is dialogue, but blame the idiot who likes to hear himself talk. **

**Once again, constructive criticism is always welcome. My grammar sucks, my spelling sucks, so woo to me for even trying! bahahahahaha!!!!!! hhahahaha! I have no clue what i'm laughing at. -sigh-  
**


	3. Stupid Sword

**And so it updates. *Looks around innocently and whistles* heehee well ermm, after a long while...ahem...SCHOOL! I BLAME SCHOOL! (really just laziness -.-')**

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The sound of the bike's motor roared in his ears as sped along side some extremely steep cliffs. All the while humming different tunes in his head to try and distract his thoughts from scarring images…you know, things like Reno in a dress.

'_Damn damn damn damn damn! No! don't think about that! Doo dee dum dum daa dum dum daa do doo dee dum dum daa dum dum daaa Sephiroth! Dun dun da doo dun dun daaa Sepiroth!'_

Cloud was slightly preoccupied by his singing, so much so that he didn't notice the cliff coming up, or the huge sword lying in the path of his motor bike. He winced as the song lost it's effectiveness and took the moment to check his surroundings. It was then that he noticed the sword and the cliff.

"Well f-"

His bike hit the sword, and he was thrown through the air, over the side of the cliff. Luckily for his insanely good reflexes, mako enhanced body, and inability to die he was able to catch the top of the cliff with his finger tips and pull himself up.

He sat on the ground for a moment, trying to get his bearings, "Why, Fenrir? Why must everything be out to get me? I mean what the heck?" he exclaimed standing abruptly.

"Who the heck leaves a sword in the middle of-" Cloud looked down at the sword angrily and realized, "oh….heh….yeah." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "oops."

Cloud picked up the sword and stuck it in the ground violently, _'Stay this time! Geez, are you trying to kill me Zack?" _Cloud swore he could almost hear the laughter from beyond. He was tempted to kick the sword over himself.

He sighed, taking in everything that had happened that day, wishing more than anything that his friend was there so he could complain about it.

"I said I'd live out both our lives,"

'_apparently both our lives combined involves a whole lot of shit from a whole lot of people."_

"Easy to make that promise,"

'_If you had told me this would be what I would have to go through, I would have shoved the sword back in your dead face!….kinda like what I've done now. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT….dead best friend…who lost his life by saving my pathetic excuse for one…gosh my life sucks.'_

Cloud sighed again, his angst causing him to remembering the important things Zack had told him through an epic montage. EPIC MONTAGE! With that came a new memory.

P:

Zack was on a truck, looking like he was enjoying the breeze, _'dum dee doodle deee!, gosh the weather is so nice in the desert!'_ suddenly his epic-gravity-defying-battle-scene senses started tingling….or at least something started tingling. He quickly leaped on Cloud, who was in a comatose state that made him an easy target.

'_Oh god! The innuendo!'_

The sound of bullets being fired could be heard,

"Pops! Park us over by the rocks!" Zack looked down at the man in his arms, "Cloud, ride's over."

'_Stop phrasing things like that!' _

There were some more jumbled scenes involving odd grunting noises.

'_Oh, come on! Seriously?'_

Then there was a scene of a weak and bloodied Zack lying on the ground,

"My honor, my dreams, they're yours now," he handed Cloud his sword, "you'll be, my living legacy."

"_I swear if you ruin that sword' _

Epic scream, the flashback subsided.

Cloud inwardly shivered, thinking about what Zack would do if he saw his sword now, battered and rusting on the side of a cliff. _'He would kill me.'_

"I swore, that I would never forget. I tried, but I-" at that exact moment his arm decided it would be an awesome time to have a random pain spasm. He gasped and gripped it tightly,

'_-I got mako poisoning and forgot you existed….heh….oops.'_

The pain intensified and random images started to flash across his vision.

_Kadaj_

_Fire_

_Zack_

Cloud fell to his knees as his eyes become very epic looking; much like Sephiroth's!

_Sephiroth_

_Flower_

_Midgar_

_Chocobo on a pogo-stick_

…_._

_Wait, what?_

_Sephiroth_

_Wolf_

_Kadaj_

_Sephiroth _

Suddenly, Sephiroth's voice was in his head,

"Why tremble with anger that's not even there?"

"_Was that a rhetorical question or are you really that much of an idiot?"_

"All you are, is an empty puppet."

Cloud had become bored with his invisible brain Sephiroth, so he once again started singing in his head,

"_according to our sources, the street's the place to gooo! 'Cuz tonight, for the first time! Just about half past ten! For the first time in history, it's gonna-"_

_

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**Okay, ya, so that chapter kinda sucked...but the scene wasn't really all that exciting and didn't give me much to work with! I have also decided on a new tactic to get chapter's out more quickly, IT'LL BE A PRIZE! err yeah...suckish prize, to bad, live with it! Okay guys, so whoever can guess the song that Cloud was singing last can choose a day in which i must update again...err...just please give me a few days notice o.o. :D anywho, really hope someone knows the song or reviews or else i update in my own time! and procrastination is a specialty of mine, ;D GOOD LUCK ALL!**

**Constructive criticism welcome with open arms - flames will be laughed at...hysterically.  
**


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